My Life As A Scientologist -Part VIII: The Last Stand of L. Ron Hubbard

This entry is a continuation of "My Life As A Scientologist." To view part one, click here.

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I decided to take a very brief break. I took four or five days off to reflect and collect myself.  Molly called me in the middle of the week.

"Hey Pete," she said in a friendly tone. "I'm just calling because I was looking at your records and it looks like you've used up more than the 20 hours of audit counseling that you paid for, so you're going to have to pay for the extra time. You should pay another $200 for another block of time."

"Yeah, I kinda knew that, but I just don't think I want to pay it," I said back. "I'm not quite sure that I'm getting any benefit out of this, or that I even believe any of it."

"Did you discuss this with your auditor?"  She seemed surprised that I had doubts about the organization.

"No."

"Well, I talked to Paul and he said that you need to get in here right away because of something that happened during your last auditing session."

"Well, I don't think I'm gonna continue. I don't want to have to keep paying for something that I don't feel I'm benefiting from, or that I don't feel like I even believe," I explained.

"I'll tell you what," she replied. "Paul has to see you one last time. You don't have to pay for it, but you should come in and get that much taken care of."

I agreed to go.

I arrived a bit late to the DC, but that didn't matter since Paul was in a session that was running long.   Molly assured me that Paul would be willing to audit all night. I had a headache.  

When I casually mentioned to Molly that I had a headache, she directed me to Doug (the squirrelly guy from the beginning of the story).

"We have a special way of getting rid of headaches here. Doug will show you."

What happened next was obscene...

Doug brought me upstairs to a room with a table. He told me to lie down. He was a very quiet person and said very little. As I lay there, he began to repeatedly and vigorously brush and pull the sleeves of my arms with his hands as if to remove cat hair that was stuck to it. His silent aggression seemed to come out on my clothes. Then he started with my pant legs.

Gross.

His squirrelly silent hands on my body.... gah.

Inches from my crotch.

He continued for about two minutes, switching back and forth between legs and arms. I still had an awful headache, and in addition to that, his hand-raping was just making me really uncomfortable.

"Okay! Cool! I don't have a headache anymore," I said as I stopped him and stood up.

I don't think he was done with whatever the fuck he was doing, but he let me go.

I continued to wait for Paul in the waiting room.

His previous session continued for an hour.

Pretty soon it was closing time and Paul came down.

"Sorry about that," Paul said. "There were some complications.  He was having a situation similar to your last session.  We're going to have to reschedule."

I agreed to call him to set up an appointment and then left.

From then on I didn't answer any phone calls that came from the DC, and I haven't been back since.

I still receive mail and the occasional phone call from them. Somehow they always find out my new address whenever I move.

I had two advantages that ultimately led me to the decision to leave the L. Ron Hubbard Dianetics Center:

One was a lack of knowledge of the book Dianetics.  Had I been assigned to read that book before I started, my auditing sessions may have been more "successful" and that may have swayed me from changing my mind.

The second was the feedback from my family.

During the duration of my time spent with Scientology/Dianetics, my mom and brother Paul expressed concern that I was getting involved with a questionable organization.

This was an important part of giving me a critical view of what I was doing.  I've always held a great deal of regard in outside opinions since it is often difficult to see the big picture, and even more difficult when you're a person involved in the big picture.

I am very grateful that they were there to cast doubt on my views.

Today I can talk tough, as if I knew that Dianetics was a bunch of crap.  The real truth is that I absolutely wanted to get help and be a part of something, whether it was an organization, or a church, or a band of hippies. I encountered the Scientologists at a time when I was doing some serious soul searching, and they seemed to have the answers. They had a new and exciting set of beliefs that I had never heard about before, and frequently, when their members were saying things to me that made no sense, I was confused, but I thought that if I stuck with it long enough, one day I would understand.

I was slowly drifting towards accepting their beliefs and for many years afterward, questioned whether I did the right thing by leaving. The Scientologists really had an effect on my life, and had I met a few different individuals at the DC that were slightly more influential..., or had I had a subtly different experience, I might still be there. If I had shown up on a day when I didn't have a headache..., or a day when I was less tired..., or if I had started attending AFTER I started reading Dianetics, I may have been more open to suggestion..., and that is chilling to me.

It's important to be critical in our thinking. Facts that we agree with should be met with the same skepticism as the facts that we disagree with. Don't just watch CNN because FOX News is "Evil." Watch both. Try your damnedest to view issues from their eyes. If you're an atheist, read the bible. If you are a conspiracy theorist, read Skeptic Magazine. If you are 100% sure of your beliefs, then you are wrong.  What we believe to be absolute truth and hold so dearly are the things that need to be questioned the most. Stop dismissing evidence that you don't believe because you think that it is "biased," and realize that someone else believes those facts and thinks that your information is biased. If you spend all of your time reading and listening to messages that you agree with and make you feel good, you will remain polarized and ignorant. If you're going to disbelieve something, you need to make sure that you understand it first.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to have a friendly conversation with people that don't agree with you.  Read books that you hate, and read them as if you wrote them.

I am not a Scientologist. It's not because I think the people are weird or biased. It's not because my family disproved of the organization.  It's not because some people call it a cult.  It's not because I saw videos on the internet that told me about a number of scary Scientology related deaths. It's not because I spent two months at their organization.

::Thank You For Reading::