:: Prologue ::
I find myself at a lot of weddings lately. You see people you haven't seen in a while, play catch-up, tell old stories, and repeat. Topics come and go. Sometimes the topic is about how school has been going, or what is going on in someone's life. The conversations are rarely interesting or out of the ordinary.
Occasionally I do come across the person in the crowd that wants to spice it up a bit by talking about religion. Most hear the word "religion" or "Jesus" mentioned in conversation and then find an excuse to go to the bar. I, however, welcome this topic.
When I was at my youngest brother John's wedding reception this past summer, religion came up for a brief moment.
"I remember when Pete was a Scientologist," my brother Paul said, catching me off guard.
I sort of smiled, "Yeah..." I replied semi-embarrassed.
He asked me a couple of questions about why in the world I would've joined a group like that. The gist of my response was that they aren't very straight forward with you at first, and then as you start to become comfortable with them they gradually expose you to the more obscure sides of their church.
Some may embrace it at that point. I did not.
After the reception, it had occurred to me that our conversation about Scientology may have been the most I'd ever revealed to anyone about my experience with L. Ron Hubbard Dianetics and Scientology. I'm not embarrassed to tell the story, but it is a difficult one to tell to people in person. I typically hold back because I see the expressions on people's faces. I'm often interrupted with laughter and comments.
People should laugh and feel uncomfortable. It's a funny and uncomfortable story. The problem is that I end up becoming self-conscious and then hold back the details.
That is why I'm writing this story and publishing it on the internet. By telling the story this way, I can avoid hearing your comments and seeing your facial expressions until you've finished reading it, and none of the details will be held back or diminished.
Enjoy.
It was the year 2000. I was under a lot of stress. I was finishing my last semester at college (or so I thought at the time), I had just gone through a break up, my belongings were strewn about many boxes because my parents were moving into a new house, and I was working 3 jobs. I didn’t realize at the time, but I had also been very depressed for a number of years at this point. I had always dismissed it as a phase that all teenagers go through, but was slowly realizing that I wasn't a teenager anymore.
One of my jobs was to deliver pizza on weekend nights. It was pretty much what you'd imagine: driving around to parties packed with people, or a late night delivery to a cocktail waitress that just finished her shift.
No big deal.
One Friday night I was particularly stressed. I had been having a long week of finals and packing. It was a dinner rush and one of my stops was a large order at a hotel party room. When I walked in, I remember being surrounded by people and becoming very anxious. The room became smaller. I looked around. Everything was moving in slow motion. The guy who talked to me about paying made some kind of joke, but everything sounded like mush to me... like the treble on a stereo had been turned all the way down. I set down the pizzas, grabbed the receipt, and got out of there as fast as I could.
I was having some kind of panic or anxiety attack. I’d never had one before and had no clue what was happening to me. All I know is that when I got back into my car, I wanted to drive until I ran out of gas and then start running.
I thought there was something wrong with me, and I felt like I needed help.
At the time I was quite ignorant about mental health. I didn't even realize that going to see a psychiatrist or a counselor might even be covered by my insurance. I just figured that if I wanted therapy it would cost me a lot of money.
After my shift I returned home to my parents’ house and sat on the couch in the basement to count my tips.
I didn’t want to face another day.
It seemed like a sign from God that I sat down and turned on the TV at 3 AM to see a commercial about this amazing product called Dianetics. It felt like a movie. Like something was presenting itself at the perfect moment.
**For those who don't know, I will provide some background to Dianetics.
There are two parts to Scientology:
One part is Dianetics. This is their "alternative to psychology," and in some ways is related to the church. It is the more practical sounding part of the organization. It is gradually supposed to help you, and eventually lead you into all kinds of new realizations about the religious part of the organization, which is Scientology.
The other piece is the Church of Scientology. This has been popularized by South Park. It's their set of beliefs that somehow involves aliens from the ancient past being our distant ancestors. I didn't get too much into this part of the organization when I was there. It was only vaguely mentioned to me once.**
Being completely ignorant of anything to do with Dianetics or Scientology, I checked it out online. When I typed "Dianetics" into Google, it yielded a bunch of articles about some kind of cult, so I had to sift through these crazy articles to actually find out if there was a Dianetics center anywhere near me.
I was in luck. There was a Dianetics Center in Downtown Minneapolis!
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