However, the school had one major flaw in its disciplinary system: if a fraternity vandalized a house, campus police couldn't do damn thing about it. To solve these problems you had to go to The Greek Council, an organization................... RUN BY FRATERNITIES.
We can all see the dilemma here. A bunch of guys in a house get a rock in their window that says "Nerds Go Home," and the only way to get back at the sons of bitches that did the dirty work is to complain to those very same sons of bitches. That's not a way to get anything done!
So naturally, the next logical step would be to form a fraternity and get those people out of power.
How would one bring down such mighty power that had jurisdiction over the police?
By winning the yearly festival of weird games, of course!
This festival includes: drinking an asspants-load of beer while riding a tricycle, arm wrestling, tug-o-war, belching contest, shaking some ropes tied to a barrel, selling shit that no one needs, an awful talent competition, and other events like raping a football player's girlfriend on the moon.
That's right.
Anyone who knows what I'm talking about should be outraged that this happened. If a guy dresses up in a costume and pretends to be a girl's boyfriend so she will unknowingly have sex with him, THAT'S RAPE. Instead of attempting to murder Lewis Skolnick and sue the life out of him, Betty Childs..... falls in love.
Lewis must have had a totally radical nerd-wiener to pull that off. This had to have been the key to Betty Childs' heart. Five minutes before the sexual assault happened, Betty wouldn't even kiss Lewis. Then, without any of that boring getttin'-to-know-ya riff-raff, they fuck genitals, she does a complete 540ยบ and literally falls in love with him.
She then dumps her current boyfriend, Stan Gable: the kick-ass football player. The very same Stan Gable that threw the rock into Lewis' window, and who is head of the Greek council. She dumped him like yesterday's onion rings for reasons which are not logically sewn together. Sure, Stan was a huge dick, but that didn't matter because Betty was there the whole time, acting like a giant bitch. They were perfect for each other.
Anyhoo, that's the famous story of the Adams College Greek Festival Jocky Girlfriend Rape.
Clap your hands everybody, and everybody clap your hands. We're Lambda Lambda Lambda and Omega Mu. We come here on stage tonight to do our show for you. We got a rockin' rhythm and a hi-tech sound that'll make you move your body down to the ground. We got Poindexter on the violin, and Lewis and Gilbert will be joining in. We got Booger Presley on the mean guitar and a rap by little ol' me Lamar. We got Takashi beating on his gong, the boys and the Mu's are clapping along. And just when you thought, ya seen it all, along comes a Lambda four foot tall. So Wormser come on out here on the floor, so we can move our bodies, like never before. Break!
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