The Matrix and Viruses

In the first Matrix movie Agent Smith has a short speech about humans:



"I'd like to share a revelation that I’ve had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species, and I realised that humans are not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment; but you humans do not. Instead you multiply, and multiply, until every resource is consumed. The only way for you to survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern... a virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer on this planet, you are a plague, and we... are the cure."

This quote used to bother me a lot because I thought it was true, and if you think about it for a second (not knowing anything about viruses) you might be convinced.

However, the more I learn about viruses the more I feel great about the fact that humans are not like viruses.

First off, humans are not mammals? What the hell? We have mammary glands! That's what a mammal has! When you classify a species you can use different systems, but our classifications (the ones that make sense) are mostly based on DNA, common ancestry, and morphological features like homologous structures. Behavior can come into play, but it's a bit of a stretch to say that humans are the only scavengers. Every species exists to survive and will hoard, kill, destroy, and migrate to a new area in order to do so. Humans just happen to be really damn good at this, making us extremely successful as a species.

Next, "every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with its surrounding environment?" Kinda... except that humans do this too. Our natural environment is everywhere that isn't the north or south pole, the moon, the sun, etc. We build houses... so do birds, squirrels, and beavers. We just happen to be lucky enough to be able to manipulate our environment a bit better than most organisms. Plus it's a bit of a stretch to say that mammals instinctively develop a natural equilibrium. They only develop as a species, not individually. They die off if they can't adapt, so the ones that are more adapted to the environment survive and reproduce.

Moving on: humans as viruses. This couldn't be more wrong.

One of the first things that you learn about a virus is that it is debatable whether or not a virus can even be considered a living organism. Living organisms must be able to make their own energy and reproduce. Viruses can make their own energy, but they cannot reproduce. If the entire planet was wiped out except for a million test tubes full of viruses, the viruses would all die a terrible virusy death. They need to hijack a host cell's reproductive mechanisms in order to replicate themselves. That's how they reproduce.

So... depending on your definition, you can have an opinion about whether or not this:



should be classified in the same category as this:



In my opinion, Agent Smith can kiss my wide asshole if he thinks I'm gonna buy that load of crap. Humans are living mammals, and if you think you can come here and threaten to turn me into a battery then you've got another thing coming, DUDE!

I mean, how dumb are you? Humans as batteries? Humans are only 98.6º F and that's on the INSIDE. What kind of efficiency are you expecting to generate from the heat of a person?

Sentinals are sooooooo lame.

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